I think the problem of emotional manipulation can be discussed from several angles first.
In fact, strictly to say, the word “emotional manipulation” should be called “emotional manipulation”.
As the name implies, it is through some emotional means, to the people around them to play a control purpose.
The so-called emotional means, we can sum up the law: generally this kind of person is from two angles to manipulate, one is the feeling level, and the other is the responsibility optimization.
What does that mean? Let me give you an example.
For example, I want to manipulate a person, if the other person said he is very unhappy, he is not comfortable, I may say: “Your discomfort is what, I now encounter this thing is more important, you encounter this thing, not complain.” ”
We found that this kind of emotional manipulation of the law, that is, he will constantly weaken the other side’s feelings of the importance, that is, the other side’s feelings are not important, the implementation of manipulation of people, will constantly emphasize their feelings more important.
This is a reflection of putting one’s feelings above others.
The second is that in terms of responsibility, such people will constantly weaken their responsibilities, and then emphasize that their mistakes are caused by the other side.
For example, they’ll say, “You make me very unhappy, or you shouldn’t say that, I said in advance, you’re not going to do something.” It was because you did this that I caused me to do nothing wrong. ”
They will put a lot of things that might have been solved by themselves into the other side’s responsibility.
For example, a man with a tendency to domestic violence, perhaps as soon as he gets home, his wife cooks a dish, may put a little more sauce.
He would say, “Look at you, such a simple housework will not do, every day I come home to see you, so many upset things, harm my work is not good, I do not hit you hit who?” ”
These people, through such emotional manipulation, the other person to carry out mental and physical double pressure, so that the other side lost self-confidence, unable to leave.
So, some friends may ask, since the injury, these girls why not leave the domestic violence men?
In fact, because of these men, in the process of domestic violence, he will continue to instill the concept: I will hit you because you have a problem, or you are angry with me.
Emotional manipulation is the emotional way to the other half of the behavior to play a control role, two levels, one is to feel one is responsibility optimization.
If we want to avoid entering into a manipulated relationship, we should clearly express our feelings, do not emphasize their responsibilities, ignore each other’s responsibilities.
For example, we get along with a person very uncomfortable, then at this time, you can try to sum up, get along with each other’s laws.
Every time the other person says, “Your business is nothing,” that is, when our thoughts don’t matter, and then he’s important.
If this rule is followed, it is likely that the other person is conducting emotional manipulation.
Which woman is more likely to experience emotional manipulation?
1. Begging personality
First of all, when it comes to emotional manipulation, I think a lot of people are likely to be manipulated, and when it comes to types that are particularly easy to manipulate, it’s flattering.
A begging personality person, he will instinctively tend to think for the other side, or more to take into account the other person’s feelings.
This type of person is that they instinctibly like to think for others, even if the other person does not mention, they will consider the other person’s feelings.
Not to mention that people who are good at emotional manipulation may also exaggerate their feelings, which may make it easier for the begging personality to fall into that trap.
2. The sense of boundary is not clear
There is also a situation where the sense of boundary is not clear. This kind of person is also more easily manipulated by emotion, the boundary is not clear person, he will have a characteristic.
A person who has a sense of boundary or is not clear, he has a characteristic that he can’t have a clear understanding of things, then he may be run over by some of the other person’s words and opinions.
For example, two people work together to accomplish a task. Just like husband and wife together to raise a child, normally speaking, the child is not good, both parents will certainly be responsible.
But if the husband said, “Your food is not doing well, I am in a bad mood, you woman should do a good job of tutoring the child, he did not study well out of mistakes, must be your problem, that is your responsibility.” ”
It’s easy to lose your judgment if you’re a person with a unclear border.
She will be easily brainwashed by the other side of this kind of words, will think “yes, this child did not bring good, all my responsibility.”
There will be a vicious circle.
First of all, if a man says to a woman, “It’s your business to have children, it’s your responsibility.” ”
When a man says that,he began to ignore the children.
Normally speaking, children are generally to both parents together, a person with children will easily go wrong, coupled with the father’s inaction, that problem will never be solved.
Once something doesn’t go wrong, the man blames his wife for it: “You see what’s wrong, you see how bad you’re doing.” ”
If the wife has no judgment, she will continue to blame herself, constantly accept, and then take care of this matter, and then always do not manage, it will become a vicious circle.
In this love relationship, the wife’s sense of value will be lower and lower. When her sense of value at home is low, there is a strong sense of guilt.
Emotional manipulation often makes the other person feel guilty.
Many parents manipulate their children, or their husbands and wives, but they are people who are manipulated and have a strong sense of guilt that they feel they have made a big mistake.
Although domestic violence, will make themselves feel uncomfortable, but, will feel the other side in the relief of their guilt, not only do not feel bad about the other side, but feel that they should be punished.
Some women can’t live without domestic violence because she has a very strong sense of guilt.
So, is this feeling subjectively indoctrinated by the other party? Or do you account for more of your own reasons?
If, at first, a person does not have a particularly clear understanding of responsibility, and then add the other person’s indoctrination, then her guilt will become stronger and stronger.
For example, at first, a girl who started out as a mother with a child didn’t know what to do.
Then the other side instilled in her the idea that taking children is a woman’s job, judging a woman’s lifetime success criteria, depending on whether she can bring the child well.
If the other person keeps entering this idea, it is to link all the successes and failures in her life to the children.
Also, because girls are mothers, should take children, men are out to earn money, this is what girls should do … And so on, it’s all indoctrination.
How does a person’s guilt come about?
What we should have done, we don’t want to do, never do well, wait until we find out we can’t do it well, then guilt comes.
There is also a more exaggerated feeling of guilt, some people will even say, “You see it is because of you, this child’s life is ruined!” ”
“The child’s exam is not good, are you did not bring a good child, the child will not be more and more.”
The other side will hit people. This kind of person will think, hit you, because you do a lot of bad things, he will throw a lot of responsibility on the other side’s head.
On the one hand, he would exaggerate the result, saying that it was bad because the other person would feel guilty and guilty immediately after listening, and she would be even more embarrassed to leave.
What are the characteristics of men who specialize in domestic violence?
In fact, this kind of male, his traits generally do not say special extrote.
Some men are all right, even have a very noble career, foreign people are particularly good, but at home is domestic violence.
The traits of domestic violence men are some deep, can not be judged at once.
The essence of domestic violence and violence is to release aggression, that is, to release negative energy by invading others.
Like we’ve seen some decompression items, such as sandbags, are to express this offensiveness.
Domestic violence belongs to a person in a more intimate environment, to those cLADAO lose to him, released their own offensive.
Domestic violence generally has two characteristics
1. Too much pressure
This kind of person’s life, in some aspects of the pressure is relatively large.
However, the pressure at work may also be because he sees himself too highly, has to do things beyond his ability, and so on.
Because the pressure is relatively large, he is flawed in the expression of pressure and catharsis.
For example, for us, when there is a lot of pressure, we may eat something, and then find a friend to talk to, or go to sports or listen to music, go to a hot spring, are our way of reducing stress. But for some people, who feel stressed, there’s no difference on the surface, and he doesn’t show that pressure.
Domestic violence men usually in public, rarely see him express negative feelings.
This is one of the signals, not necessarily linked to domestic violence men. Maybe he’s in public and he doesn’t express bad or negative emotions.
It’s like, like a spring, the more you press him, and then suddenly you let go, and he’s going to play hard.
Well, overtime is the result of this rebound of domestic violence, he suddenly bounced up, bounced out.
At the same time, when he performs well, he will be more exaggerated, may do 70 to 80%, may show 120%. So he’s going to bounce back a lot.
How to avoid men with a tendency to domestic violence?
We must see the pattern of his negative emotions
When we usually fall in love, sweet honey at first, this is no problem.
But we also have to be concerned about what he gets angry or sad about, and how he discharges his emotions.
For example, he was scolded by the leadership, will not be angry, will not go singing and drinking to solve emotions and so on. It is safer to understand this pattern.
There may be individual situations where we don’t see his negative emotions or what way he can get them out, which can be dangerous.
When a person has a rich way of venting emotions, we don’t worry that he will vent his emotions violently.
For example, like a drainage system, if he had a lot of drains, we could see he was draining water, and that wouldn’t have happened.
Even if there is an accident, we observe, can prevent blockage, even if the water pipe burst, can also be dealt with in a timely manner.
In the past encountered some cases of domestic violence, I found that in addition to helping women value their feelings, but also to help them understand the direction of responsibility in the emotional world.
For example, anything, as long as it is a cooperative kind of thing, affirm that both sides have responsibility, everyone should be responsible for their own behavior, we have to be responsible for their own actions, at the same time, also let the other side responsible for their own behavior.
I meet a lot of women who might say, “Why don’t you comfort me, you’re a man, you left me, you abandoned me.” ”
Let’s not isolate ourselves, two people are actually in the same team, we’re going to express our dissatisfaction, or we’re going to hold him accountable.
It can be painful, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.
A lot of people will say, “You let me take this responsibility, let me be so painful, then you don’t love me.”
To love a person is to give the other person the opportunity to take on the responsibilities he should take on, so that he can grow.
With that kind of emotional manipulation, he’ll be like a teenager.
In the face of such a child, we can not completely say how to make him happy how to come, sometimes should express themselves, by the way let him face, this is to let him grow, rather than just follow him.
Because, only the common growth, mutual achievement of the feelings, it is easier to long-term.