As for when it’s appropriate to get married, the New York Times once asked the classic “15 Questions Before Marriage”, and I personally support every couple to ask each other similar questions before they get married. Not much to say, go straight to the interpretation version of the 15 questions before marriage, believe me, after reading this article, you will know why these 15 questions can become a classic – it really covers all aspects of marriage.
1. Do we want children? If so, who is primarily responsible?
Interpretation: Many couples in love did not consider such a question, but in the current social environment, not only do you have to agree on the issue of having children, but also to determine another thing – how many children? Do you want a boy or a girl? Many marriages are destroyed in this way: the husband must have a child, but the wife assumes the responsibility of raising children. If such problems are not solved, children will not only become the hope of small families, but will become a point of division.
2. What are our earning power and goals? Will there be a conflict in the view of consumption?
Interpretation: Don’t feel tacky, marriage and money are inseparable. What constitutes life after marriage is ten percent love and ninety percent trivial things. And before and after marriage, both of you tend to need a big adjustment in your outlook on consumption – before you were financially independent, you might have to spend your own money, but later in life you had to set up a mutual fund for your family’s savings, your children’s education, and your parents’ support. If the question of money can’t be discussed, you shouldn’t get married early – sorry, marriage really needs a material basis, a large part of married life revolves around money.
3. How can our family be maintained? Who is in control of the risks that may arise?
Interpretation: Marriage means not only the exchange of resources, but also the sharing of risks. Unemployment and illness on 1st side will put a great burden on the family. While we hope that the accident will never happen, we also want to make sure that we can solve the problem as soon as possible in the event of an accident. Some couples talk for a long time, can you be responsible for their own difficult to say, you are really ready to bear the burden of your small home?
4. Have we exchanged detailed medical histories between the two sides? Including spiritually.
Interpretation: I suggest that before you get ready to get married, it’s best for two people to have a medical check-up, which is not a joke. A couple I knew before had a medical check-up when they were getting married, and then they found out that one of them had a very difficult and serious chronic disease, and that there was a high probability of genetics. The result is very simple, the other party in the wedding photos have been taken in the case, immediately proposed a break-up. Before entering into marriage, we must be honest to each other to make a bottom, do not hide from each other.
5. Did our parents’ attitude meet our expectations? Will it give enough blessings? If not, how do we deal with it?
Interpretation: I insist that: most of the marriage without parental blessing, the end result is unhappy. Because parents have experienced it after all, they can see each other more directly and essentially, and the problems in your relationship, and they have a natural reason to object to you. And parents know better than you that life is not easy, and you may now swear that you two can overcome all difficulties with love, but in the eyes of parents who have experienced these difficulties for most of your lives, you are childly. When your parents, one of your parents, is firmly opposed to your feelings, you really want to think about the two of you who are not fit to get married – after all, which child-loving parents, can not want their children to be happy in marriage?
6. Do we have a natural, honest account of our sexual needs, sexual preferences, and fears?
Interpretation: Sex is the lubricant of feelings, but also to maintain the important bond of feelings. Sex is most directly linked to attraction, and if your sex life is not harmonious, it is a bombshell in your relationship: because when sexual needs are not met, the other person will gradually lose attraction in your eyes. And a lot of couples emotional breakdown, but also from the beginning of the disharmony of sex life, how many marriages have been ruined in cheating – sex is not disgraced, please make sure that before you get married you two reach a consensus on this issue.
7. Can I put a TV in my bedroom?
Explanation: Yes, you may have been together or even cohabited before, but you still need to make sure your habits are the same when you get married. Because in the future you, living under the same roof, your lives are completely shared, if the habits of life are inconsistent may therefore inspire a lot of contradictions. And these contradictions will gradually evolve into your opinion of this person, greatly damaging your feelings. So before getting married, couples must find out each other’s habits, what to go to bed brushing teeth do not brush their teeth, how long to bathe, wash not wash socks…. If these are not clear, the future will most likely quarrel because of such things.
8. Can we really listen to each other and treat each other’s thoughts and complaints fairly?
Interpretation: Marriage is looking for a life partner, is looking for a firm and reliable comrade-in-arms. But many people although married when said what difficulties together to solve, married but in each other to say – you can not see his hard work, will only complain that he ignored the family simply do not come back; A true partner must be able to think differently, accept and understand your ideas, or you will be the only one who will speak for themselves in the long life that will come.
9. Do we have a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual needs and beliefs? Have we discussed our children’s future educational models and beliefs?
Interpretation: Even if you do not intend to have children, this issue must be clearly communicated, because no one can say for sure about future changes, and if you can not be in the way you educate your children, it will only delay the development and future of your child.
10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
Interpretation: You’re going to get married not just by one person, but by the whole circle behind this person, the whole native family. If you can’t accept each other’s circles, you’ll be in a very painful situation after marriage – on the one hand, she’ll be good for your other half and take care of your little family, and on the other hand she won’t lose her circle and life for you. So please be able to make sure you accept her old life, at least not disgusted, and then you think about marriage. 11. Can we value and respect each other’s parents? Did we think parents might interfere in our relationship?
Interpretation: In marriage, there must be the big picture concept, but also have a small sense of home, the big picture concept need not say, two people should be for the whole family, this family also includes the older generation of families, but at the same time, we also need to understand – your focus you must focus on small families, do not let the big family over-involve in your life. Not only should you have this awareness, but your other half should have this awareness that in such circumstances you can truly live your life freely and independently.
12. What’s the most disturbing thing about my family?
Interpretation: As I said before, you are married to a person, not only this person, this person behind the whole circle and family you have to contact. Some people may think that the native family is nothing, after all, the day is two people, I would say that this idea is wrong – because we will carry the imprint of the native family all our lives, it is difficult for us to get rid of the impact of the native family to us. So if couples can’t accept each other’s native families, you’d better slow down your plans to get married, because once you get married, you’re bound to connect with each other’s families.
13. What is something we will never give up because of marriage?
Interpretation: Marriage needs sacrifice, but none of us can ask the other half to give everything for marriage. Before you get married, you’d better make sure you both know what each other won’t give up on for marriage, don’t wait until that problem arises before you quarrel – some people don’t want children, some people have a career, some people will never leave their parents… Such a problem, from the beginning to understand, otherwise wait until after marriage to encounter, will only let two people ride the tiger difficult. Believe me, it’s hard to change someone, especially when you’re still challenging the things that matter most to her.
14. If one of us needs to leave his family’s home to work in the field for some time in order to develop his career, do he or she be loyal?
Interpretation: In marriage, to say a more bleak words – a lot of times we can only choose to trust each other. Because if the other person wants to betray you, there are too many opportunities, and you can even do the drip, even if you finally realize that something has happened. Therefore, we can only choose to trust each other, but we must confirm before this: the other person is a worthy of our trust.
15. Are we confident that we will face any challenges to keep our marriage moving forward?
Interpretation: When the accident comes, we do not want to think about the accident, but the accident and not come is not what we want to say. Although we want to cross the difficulties with each other, but we always strong not from the heart, we also always have the difficulties we can not solve in any case. In such difficulties, we have time to insist, is to drag down their own, but also let the other side of the heart. So we’d better start by saying clearly: where’s our bottom line, and if there’s really no way at that time, I hope we’ll all be open-minded. Let the other side go.